Her tactics were shady. I blamed her. I told myself she led me in this direction. Truth be told, I was afraid to blame myself. I knew, and still know, what I am looking for… I believe in the real deal. I believe in love. I believe in all in… And I convinced myself she was it. Truth be told, there is a good chance it was my fault for being so convincing. For trying so hard. For holding so tight. For not giving up. Perhaps I convinced her to try.
But truth be told, I knew all along. It was never to work.
Sadly, I was caught between my heart and my gut. Even after pulling the band aid. Even after a quick and swift tear… The cast of her lure drew me in. A younger me presided in the ruling. I told myself, Go with your heart! Wrecklessly I did… and perhaps I got what I deserved. A mouth full of “I told you so’s”.
The heart is strong.
I still believe we should follow our heart in life, but we should go with our gut when push comes to shove… Because our heart may know how to keep us full of the spice in life, but it has no idea what to do with the shit…
I was distracted for a brief moment… But if you read this far… just know… Im about to make this shit real. Im going to be a rescue swimmer. Im going to save lives, and this is my fuel.
Please, keep being somebody..
somebody that I used to know…