Category Archives: roadstops…

ham sandwich…


I truly am sleepless in Seattle. So much ahead. So much keeping me restless…

Tonight for no reason an act of complete generosity caught me off guard. I was at a bowling ally unlike any I have ever been to before. It was bright, happy, smoke free and family filled. The owners were courteous and polite, an happy to have us as guests.

As I lined up on the lane, a man and his wife watched over their adorable kids, whom bowled with perfect bowling etiquette in the lane next to us… (Yes, there is an etiquette to bowling.) As I watched in awe, their 4 year old daughter picked up an 8lb ball and rolled a down the middle strike. I walked up and told the parents it was incredible to see kids with such manors. As I picked up the ball, I threw a meager 4 pin first frame. The father came up to me and handed me a ball, and said, “put this on for size… How’s that feel?”

The rubber center grips felt clean and sturdy. I said… “Great! Thanks.”

He said, “It’s yours… Have fun. It’s a great ball.”

I smiled and went to work on the ball… Learning it. Getting a feel for its cut. I have been rolling spin for years now, but I have never made the move to use a three finger roll… I forewent the extra step and left my thumb out. I rolled my first game in a similar fashion. I rolled a lousy 76. One of the worst games I’ve thrown since I was a 5 year old kid with the bumpers down…

I looked at the ball… Closely. It’s colors were deeply inlaid. It had a presence. As though it had a story. I heard the dad say again… “It’s a great ball.”

I looked up at him, and back down to the ball, whose thumb hole faced up at me… As I examined it, I noticed an etching next to the hole… A key. I put my thumb in, and presented the lane, prepared to throw the ball the way it was meant to be thrown. A three finger spinning strike filled the frame.

I looked up to see the gentleman smiling at me, as he left the lanes with his family in arm. I finished the second game with a 164. By no means my best scoring round, but without a doubt the best game I have thrown to date. At the end of the evening, as I returned my shoes, I asked the owner about the ball… Partially because I wanted to make sure it wasn’t the lanes’ ball.

He told me, “It’s a special ball. It’s a storm. It’s a great ball.”

I told him how the gentleman presented it to me, and he just stood and smiled. “What a generous man”, I said.

“He really is…” The owner replied. “He really is.”


Tags: , , , , , , ,

Just a little cramp…

I was on a run today. It was a wet, misty, dirty, puddle filled run. Not at all enjoyable. I didn’t want to go. I was tired, and slightly hung over… But I pushed myself out the door anyways. Just before mile 3, my right leg caught a nasty cramp. It wasn’t anything that I couldn’t run through… So I worked it.

Just a little cramp I told myself. And I started to think about that little cramp. And how it came to be… It was born out of desire. A desire for growth. A desire for strength. For the search of knowledge. As I felt that knot in my quad tighten, I smiled. Because I knew it would pass. And everything started to click.

The right song came on. The fresh smell of the incoming tide drew into the wooded trail. The mist felt refreshing. The dirt kicked up from the puddles made me feel strong. My stride opened. My lungs felt full. All along the way, I carried this cramp, and smile, with me…

As I broke out of the forest and back into town, I felt my companion start to weaken with small spasms and I smiled bigger. The song was getting to a beautiful climax, and my cramp let go of it’s short lived will towards existence.

It happens quite often that I get into discussions with people on the topic of life, and what comes next. And I try my best to illustrate how I don’t concern myself with it. My beliefs of afterlife dont affect how I live my life today. I don’t do things looking for a reward. I do things because, through life and experience, as well as the counsel of those that I trust and love, I have developed an idea of the difference between right and wrong… I don’t always make the right choice, I am human and full of fault… But I believe that I on most days, I step towards the light. What happens after our time on this rock expires is outside of our control. 

To me that release of control makes it all quite simple… Life is just like that cramp. It comes from some bigger purpose. That cramp doesn’t know that my long term goals brought me to the road on this rainy Sunday morning. It just knows that it has the opportunity to exist for the moment. To exist, and hold on for dear life. To cherish the fact that it can simply be. Just as I don’t know the design for this beautiful tragedy of life… I just am enjoying as much of the ride as I can. I am experiencing, and cherishing it all. Because I know just like that cramp, someday my body will let go of this momentary grip it has on life… and then I’ll just be… To me this is soothing. And I don’t need much more than that.

(This was the song.)


Posted by on August 12, 2012 in life, love, roadstops..., rocks, the trip up...


Him… Her…


I guess I can’t really consider things any other way. It’s not as though it was through some conscious choice I chose this path. Not at all.

Our story is way more complicated than some point A, Point B google map. Unfortunately my generation hasn’t been blessed with the opportunity of redundancy. Oh no, our generation meets challenges at an exponential rate. We don’t have the excuse of “I don’t know.” Rather, our mishaps appear in the form of, “I was finding out.” And so it was…

I was finding out the ratings on starting pitchers for a fantasy baseball league. I had never been in a fantasy anything before, but I figured it would give me the chance to actually say something at break today…

It was the bloody nose that really scared me. I wasn’t ready to see the smoke pouring out of the front bent end of my car. I was so buried into my fantasy that I ran straight into her.

* * *

My broken arm landed me in physical therapy. I didn’t see her often in my weeks of therapy. I knew nothing about life in the hospital. Until I met her. She worked nights in the ER. The night before we met she had swapped shifts to see a show in the city. She had found her self immersed in her work. I had never dreamt of her world. In and out of business school, I never questioned the path in front of me; I just trusted the opportunities I landed. Her path was similar. Her path was simple. That is, In theory at least.

Both of us were caught off guard that morning. Bloody nose. Tearing eyes. A broken arm. Late to work. Another dreary morning. Her spilled black coffee stained her jacket. And she still had her boss to deal with… Her damn boss. All of it…

And then there was Him…

And then there was Her…


…interview: any mouse trail shred.


***** *****
All I want to do is ride. shred red.
bikes. why bikes.
why do we.
What do they have to offer.
what about freedom.?
does it let free all of our bounds? likely not.
but to know the engine of the bike dies only when our heart does. the engine of it; we become. forty. sixty miles. ours.
owned. but is it?
make shit happen. is that the motto to live by then. suppose for now it is so.

it’s just the trap of it all, tho. All our stuff… alllll this stufff everywhere. always around. engulfed i feel. and what we owe for it, thats a whole nother mess of issues. and even further, who depends on us for in all this trail of life… and; crap, i just blew my last tube and my rim is shot… ghostbusters? well. not yet. but someday. i feel nostalgic on my bike. so i’ll go with it. its surely not love though. … right.?

one giant flip over the handle bars after another. So goes life i suppose. and a refound, reclaimed passion has become mine again.

i enjoy letting go of it all. no thought, but reaction. a good dog sure doesn’t hurt. for me its a time to unleash. bound and enjoy. I dont think on the trail. Linus can do that.


Think of it like this…

Not to be cliche, but, On paper, [1+1]=[2]. Open and closed case. No questions. Good.

Same Problem in life… Jimmy has one apple, and Johnny has one apple. How many apples do they both have together? This is starkly different for many reasons. I mean, ultimately, It depends. If your are a quantity based person then you may ask, where did they get the apples? Which apple weighs more? Which apple grew up in a well watered orchard? What was the weather like when they were grown? Was the soil nutrient rich?

Or perhaps you are a financially minded person. Then you would wonder, well who is Jimmy? Does he owe anybody else apples? Does he have more apples than Johnny? Does Johnny have kids that he has to share the apple with, and how many kids? How is the apple economy doing this year? Are the apples worth as much today as they may be worth tomorrow? Do either Johnny or Jimmy have an apple tree?

The social worker of the bunch would wonder if either of them really needed the apple? Has Johnny just gotten done eating 3 apples already? Would it be more beneficial to not count the apples together and decide on an individual basis what to do with the apples? Should they consider splitting the apples to better suit the hours of work that consume their day, so the body could better utilize the energy utilized by the body?

And the philosopher would throw the whole question on its side. Since time is infinite and knows no beginning, nor end, the apples exist in a moment that is becomeing smaller and smaller, and are infinitely small and thus they do not exist.

So I’ll ask again… Jimmy has one apple, and Johnny has one apple. How many apples do they both have together?

life. its a tricky bitch.


From anothers’ eyes…

Those days are gone now. The days where the bus stop was a central point of the day. When the bus ride was a source of growth. When the seat you sat in determined who you were. When window or isle was a political battle. When how fast your bike got you from your house to your best friend was a test of man-hood. Our independence was a factor of recent report cards or detention hall attendance.



Four shells of thought…

The means by which we define ourselves as people is a very personal form of expression. Throughout the history of man the efforts to define truth, capital T, has been paid for in blood. All faiths and derivations there of have given spin to what makes us, us. From the things I have learned this far in life, it all seems a little heavy. From my point of view, anything that claims to be 100% certain of anything… Is dangerous. Luckily, I was born into a world that offered me an alternative.

In 1984, the world was given the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Four once seemingly average turtles, were transformed, and thrown into a world of disorder. Sure, these fictional cartoon characters offered no tangible front against crime and injustice. Bad guys didn’t fear their wrath. Streets were not any safer. Kids had no role models from under the city streets. They didn’t even exist.

My experience however has told a different story. My solid plastic turtle shell back-pack was filled with foam-covered nunchakus, orange, red, purple, and blue, hole-cut bandanas, action figures, and comic books. These weren’t toys to me. These were my tools to justice. They were the tools for my friends and my adventures in tree forts and neighborhood streets. They were the means by which we would act out our plans to overthrow Shredder and his mob of fierce ninja warriors. To us, they were the front against crime. They offered us the ability become our heros, and strike fear in our enemies. Because of us and our bandanas, our streets were safer, and the kids around us, a good, and just group of role models.

Michelangelo with a peace and love mindset, evened out the anger and discontent in Rafael. Donatello’s conceptual mind was materialized by Leonardo’s inventive ability. Each weakness of one played into the strength of another, and as a whole, they were better than they ever could be divided.

This was the childhood I lived. I grew into this notion that everyone around me had something to offer. To this day, I believe that to be true. To this day I believe in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.